Who writes marriage vows with expiration dates in mind? What does the ‘forever’ in ‘forever after’ mean when people pledge the same to one another? Perhaps, I will stay with you as long as it takes love to run out. What makes a loving and charming spouse turn into a demon, a devil’s incarnate?

You would think the first time would do them in, when the first slap landed on her face. The impact gradually phased down in under one week while she was yet to process the event of that faithful evening. I suppose that’s a common conceit, that you’ve already been so damaged that damage itself in its totality makes you safe.

 ‘I am not the woman whose husband beats her up,’ she kept saying to herself. Gradually, what happened once in three months became every other day event.

Radio shows; the luxury Lagos traffic affords us. She eventually got out alive. She even wrote a book afterward.

A few years earlier, I would have been very critical of her 32-year-old self who didn’t see the signs, who didn’t choose better, who chose a man that didn’t respect her and her body. My views are different now. 

Because now I know that you can be the right person – the total package and still be sent to the wrong person. So many stories are determined before they start.

Because now I know that it is wrong to expect more from someone who thinks less of themselves. You cannot give what you don’t have, right?

Because not everyone indeed has something to lose as you do.

Because someone I was dating a few years ago asked me to go naked in front of a camera and send the output to him.

The major problem isn’t just that he made this request, but the way he made it- via a WhatsApp text message, unemotional, out of the blues, while another topic was being discussed, without prior discussions as to ascertain if I am comfortable with such activity, like I was a thing, an object. I was ambushed, I felt insulted. Loving the wrong person can be so incredulously humiliating. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are couples who luxuriate in this sort of thing, however, it takes two.

It is never persuasive to argue that you are not the kind of person who does what you are actually doing. You can’t change anyone. Enough of this false idea that you can make people better. It is only a living human who wants to be better, who will be better. You are not a messiah. Leave it alone. 

Anything can happen to you.

Anything can be said to you.

Anything. 

At least once.

It is in your hands to decide whether it happens again, most of the time.

Decide now, decide while you still can, before you start losing yourself. Do not attempt to change anyone. Leave it alone. LEAVE.